SAN FRANCISCO, CA / ACCESS Newswire / April 22, 2025 / In narcissistic families, love is conditional, truth is punished, and roles are assigned-not chosen. For many adult children of narcissistic parents, survival means conforming to a rigid emotional script: the family scapegoat, the golden child, or the lost child. These roles often pass down through generations, creating cycles of dysfunction that distort identity and corrode emotional well-being.
Michael Travis Halyard
"In these systems, the scapegoat is often the emotionally honest one-the person who sees the truth and refuses to go along with the dysfunction," says Michael Travis Halyard, LPCC, LMFT, a San Francisco psychotherapist specializing in narcissistic abuse and estrangement. "That emotional clarity threatens the narcissist's fragile ego, so the scapegoat becomes the target."
As public awareness of narcissistic family dynamics grows, more people are beginning to recognize the unconscious roles that shaped their self-worth, relationships, and worldview. "People are starting to say, 'Wait a minute, that was me-I was always blamed, ignored, or expected to be perfect,'" Halyard says. "Once these patterns are identified, it becomes easier to understand why certain relationships have always felt painful, imbalanced, or unsafe."
Being blamed by a narcissist-especially as the scapegoated child-is a disorienting and deeply painful experience. Disagreements aren't treated as opportunities for connection but are weaponized as tools of control, projection, and punishment. Narcissists often rewrite reality to preserve their image of perfection or victimhood, shifting responsibility onto the scapegoat. Survivors frequently report being blamed not just for what happened, but for how others choose to feel about it-even when those feelings are distorted, leading to abuse.
"It's not about fairness or accountability," Halyard explains. "It's about maintaining the illusion-and the scapegoat is punished for breaking that illusion."
Survivors describe chronic gaslighting, where their perceptions are denied and distorted; walking on eggshells, in fear of triggering another outburst; triangulation, where others in the family are recruited to reinforce the narcissist's version of events; and emotional exhaustion, as self-worth erodes under the constant burden of blame.
To a narcissist, disagreement equals disloyalty-and loyalty means silent compliance. Assert a boundary or question the narrative, and the response is often swift and brutal: blame, guilt, exile.
Contrary to public perception, estrangement in narcissistic families is rarely initiated by the scapegoated individual. It is imposed by narcissistic family members. "The goal is to silence the one who challenges the dysfunction," Halyard notes.
"When family members deny your reality, attack your character, and isolate you for speaking the truth, it causes deep trauma," Halyard says. "But the most painful moment-when they finally reject you-can also be the most liberating. That's when you realize: you're free."
Estrangement can mark the beginning of healing. Through therapy and connection with others who understand, survivors begin to reclaim their identities, grieve the loss of the idealized family, and finally break the cycle.
To support those on this path, Halyard offers psychotherapy for clients in California and facilitates The Estrangement Project USA, a private Facebook support group where people can safely share experiences, ask questions, and find solidarity. "Community is critical," he emphasizes. "You are not alone. There are others walking the same path - and together, healing becomes possible."
Join the community: facebook.com/groups/estrangementproject
Visit the website: www.sanfrancisco-psychotherapy.com - including comprehensive sections on Narcissism and Estrangement, with resources on parental alienation, ghosting, boundary-setting, and navigating the grief of disconnection.
Media Contact:
Michael Halyard
michaelhalyard@gmail.com
SOURCE: Michael Halyard
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